Comfortable places

11 10 2012

So I’ve realized that I feel comfortable saying what I need to say on line here. Blabbing about what pisses me off, and there are a lot of things lately that piss me of. But there are good things too. Like today, I forgot that I do have a physical friend that wants nothing from me. She doesn’t take anything from me. She listens to me and I try to make sure to listen to her. It was kind of funny. We haven’t seen each other since 2009 when I moved away for two years to Cape Cod. I came back in 2011 and she tried to meet me for lunch forever. But I cancelled every time. The truth was, I’d gained weight, hadn’t colored my hair, didn’t look like the old me and certainly didn’t feel like the old me.

But today I saw her. Yeah, I almost cancelled. But I forced myself out of the house. And it was good. I hugged a friend. We talked about marriage and having babies and how life changes so much after you get married, your priorities change. The bar scene goes away and you just feel like staying home and enjoying each other’s company. Or do day outings, just the two of you. We talked about my sickness. How I haven’t been well since I’ve been back. How I have to go for cancer treatment again very soon. I’m sure it will be benign as they always are but still, on my nose, it’s the same side for the third time in a row. It’s already thin now, I’m not sure it can handle another surgery. I have places that hurt. I have one on top of my head where I am sure they will have to shave my hair to get to it. Do you know how long I’ve been growing my hair?? Years. I can finally braid it. It’s all the way down my back. And I’ll be losing a large chunk of it. It’s possible that this one won’t be benign. It’s been there a long time. I just forget to mention it. And here’s me all vain about my hair when I could have melanoma. How petty.

My son is away at sleep away camp. He has bipolar disorder and the day before Tuesday night, he was up all night. And I do mean up all night. He watched a movie and then read. He says it’s his fault, but I know it isn’t. It takes, guanfacine, to make him tired and keep him stable, he take Intunive 3 mg SR (yes I know it’s the same med but it’s slow release so it helps through out the day), he also takes 125 mg of Lamictal. That puts him to sleep. The night he stayed awake was a manic phase. He’s a rapid cycler. He was in my arms crying the next evening, the night before his trip. He was all packed and ready to go. But I worried. So tonight I did the mama bear thing and called the lady in charge to check on him. She said he was having a great time, he just played a game and he was having his last class before snack and showers. She said he was really smart answering questions when asked. I’m just hoping he is making friends. He has none that call the house to play with him. God do I worry about him. His just a little off normal and kind of geeky, but he’s charming when he wants to be and smart when he wants to be. Even though he can be a pain in the ass, I miss him. We all do and that’s funny because I didn’t think we would. I love J.

That’s all for now. I’ve got other things to say but Good Golly Miss Molly I’m exhausted. Only took four hours for my pills to kick in. Yay me! Oh and I hate the new NetGalley.

H.

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